When the Night Is Scary: How to Help Children with Nightmares and Fear of Sleep

_{Many children go through periods of scary dreams or nightmares. Sometimes it's a short period that passes on its own, but sometimes the nightmares come back again and again, the child is afraid to fall asleep, and fatigue sets in throughout the house. This page offers some simple ideas, based on cognitive-behavioral therapy, that can help you as a parent strengthen your child's sense of security and competence at night.}

First of all – normalize and calm down

• Explain gently: Many children experience nightmares, especially during times of change, stress, or after a frightening experience.
• To emphasize: A nightmare is a scary dream , but it is not a prophecy and does not mean that something bad is going to happen in reality.
• You could say:
  • “Your brain sometimes practices at night for things that scare it – that doesn’t mean it will actually happen.”

Talk about the dream, don't be scared of it

• If the child wants – give them space to tell the nightmare in their own words, or draw it.
• Ask gently: What was the scariest? What part made you feel the most alone?
• Stay calm. Even if the content is difficult – the child looks to you to understand “how dangerous it is.” The calmer a parent is, the child feels that there is someone who is holding the fear together with him.

Make your child an “expert of his dreams”

The main idea behind the approach on which the page is based is to help the child feel: “I have tools, I know what to do when I have a nightmare” – instead of feeling that “I have no control”. You can work with the child like this:

1. To invent another ending to the nightmare
   • After the child tells the dream, they are offered to “change the movie”:
     • Who can come to help in the dream?
     • What is your superhero/special forces doing there?
   • Together, you write or draw a new version of the dream – with a safe or even funny ending.
   • Before going to bed, remind yourself: “If the nightmare tries to come back – let’s remember together the new story you made up.”
2. Give your child permanent tools “in case of a nightmare”
   You can build a “nighttime toolbox,” for example:
   • Deep breathing (e.g. 4 seconds inhale, 4 seconds exhale).
   • A calming phrase that the child chooses: “It’s just a dream,” “I’m safe in my bed,” “I can call my parents if I need to.”
   • A transitional object (a doll, a special pillow, a blanket) that is defined as a “night guard.”

A regular sleep ritual that